The closer we get to November, the more emotional I become.  I've tried many times to come to a decision and determine what I should do.  I received an answer at church last Sunday.
   This Novemeber will be the one year mark when my sister passed away.  The closer Novemeber comes, the more deep my sorrow.  November is also the month I was born in.  It's also a time to gather together and be grateful for the blessings we have.
   So I have come to a very important conclusion.  This November I will celebrate all the wonderful things my sister did and stood for.  Instead of concentrating on mourning her, I will do something to honor her instead.
   I know that her husband still grieves so deeply.  I know that my siblings and parents struggle with their mourning.  But I just can't keep doing this.  I need to do something for Heather, in her name.  Perhaps it will be just a kind act, made in secret.  I will forgive another who has hurt me because they are undoubtedly socially inept. 
   I am grateful for my family.  I am grateful for my husband, son, and baby on the way.  I am grateful for kind loving parents who've taught me right from wrong.  I am grateful for patient, loving siblings.  I am grateful to know my birth parents.  I am grateful for my birth siblings. 
   I have been truely blessed.  My life is not exceedingly hard.  My issues are easy to sort out.  Every now and then, when I can't get a hold of Christin, I wonder what advice Heather would give me.  I have been so spoiled and honored to have been raised with such amazing sisters!  Now I begin to understand why so many were jealous of me.
   Since October, 2000, my family increased a great deal...  That's when Christin called me up at college and had my brother and I call our birth mother. 
   I cannot begin to count the number of times my older sisters have come to my recue.  How many times have they given me advice on things that should've been simple.  I'm grateful that not both of my sisters were taken from me.  I know that may sound aweful, but my world would crumble without Christin.
   As for my brothers...  They all have good hearts.  If only they made the decisions that would guide them to true happiness.  I love them and still look up to them, just for the fact that I want to honor them as my brothers.
   No one is perfect.  No one has borne more of a burden then another.  The burdens are just different.  How we deal with things may differ greatly.  Well, I still think that Eldon has been through more hell than I will in my lifetime.  I will not pretend to have it harder than him.  I wish I could ease his burden...  even just a little.
   Dear Heather,
      I miss you so much.  We all do.  I wish that you were still here, that all of this was but a nightmare.  I know you.  I've seen you.  I'm sorry I never visit your grave.  You're not there.  No...  You're in Heaven.  Somehow, beyond what tiny understanding man has, I know that you are where you need to be to comfort. 
     I've been trying not to be so dramatic about the small things.  I keep hearing you voice in the back of my mind when worries start to crawl in the back of my head.  I can hear you tell me that everything is okay.  The baby is fine.  There's nothing to worry about.  And I am greatly comforted.
     I know that Eldon struggles so much without your physical presence.  But I also am so greatful that mom and dad can be there to help.  Mom went through the same, although her dad emotionally drained himself at the end of the day with spirits.  But Eldon, though struggling, is stronger.  He gets his emotions out in your journal. 
     I want to yell at the members of our church who tell him to basically, if you will, "Get over it.  You shouldn't be mourning this long."  But you would tell me not to.  You'd tell me just to love them and be patient and kind.  Of course, you're right.
     I've complained so often that you're not going to be able to coach me through having this baby as you did with Joseph.  I think Heavenly Father wanted to give me some strong hints that you'll be there, although not in physical body.  Well guess what...  My Doctor's name is Heather.  And then the woman who registered me for an ultra sound...  Heather.
     Needless to say, I stopped complaining.  I think I get the hint now, lol. 
     Anyways, I keep praying that everyone else will feel your spirit when you go to comfort.  Thanks for stopping by.  You're still there when I need you.  Now if I could help the others too.
     Christing is still bearing so much...  She feels guilty when other tell her that she's lazy or not doing enough.  Blah to them!  She's so busy.  She has 4 amazing boys and manages to keep her house clean and her family (the rest of us, hee hee), together.  But she's still emotionally in shambles.  Your passing wounded her deeply.  I deeply wish that she had the kind of friends there that she had/has here.  They're just not that understanding.  It's like they have that part of understanding and feeling frozen behind a barriar of ignorance.  Shame on them all!
     I strive to let others know that mourning differs from person to person.  If it was a strong relationship, the deeper the sorrow, the longer they mourn.  I try not to judge them, which is so hard for me.  I want to defend my family and loved ones, but feel I must play the part of fool to certain people at certain times as to not cause more drama, or further issues. 
     Thanks, Headdy.  Thanks for being such a wonderful sister and good example.  You are truely one of a kind.  Can you try letting Christin know that she is too? 
     Give all our family members that have passed on lots of loves from all of us.  And know that I have been most honored and grateful to them for my wonderful family, that they are a part of.  I love you!
                 Care Bear